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How to Build Rapport and Learn a Foreign Language Faster

by Roger Easlick on May 11, 2010

Building rapport is something you don’t hear much about when studying a foreign language. In reality it’s much more important than being able to build grammatically correct sentences or having a huge vocabulary.

Imagine you have a choice between two language partners. One seems to speak both her native language and your language almost flawlessly, but you feel no connection with her. You have to fight to keep every language exchange session from grinding to a halt.

Now picture another person. This partner makes many mistakes in both languages, but is a delight to talk to. You can’t explain why, but you feel energized by just being around her. Ideas bounce back and forth between you like an easy game of ping pong.

Which partner would you prefer?

With which person will you learn a language better?

What is rapport?

Rapport can be described as “a close and harmonious relationship in which two or more people understand each other’s feelings and ideas, and can communicate well.”

We’ve all been around people that we naturally hit it off with. The purpose of this article is to help to you build that kind of rapport with all kinds of people – even when it doesn’t seem that you have much in common.

The Trick to Matching and Mirroring

One technique to build rapport is called matching and mirroring. As the name implies, you basically imitate the other person’s behavior.

It works because we like people who are like us. If someone adopts your gestures, tone of voice and phrases, you naturally tend to like that person. You feel that he understands you at a deeper level since he is like you.

But matching and mirroring can backfire.

If done too obviously, it fails. Instead of feeling that the other person is naturally adopting our behavior out of a desire to be like us, we may feel like we’re being ridiculed.

There’s a trick to using matching and mirroring effectively.

In a study with robots it was confirmed that people respond positively to being mimicked – as long as the person being imitated isn’t consciously aware of it. If he is aware, the effect was greatly reduced.

How can you imitate another person’s behavior without being noticed?

One good way to do it is to clear your mind completely of negative thoughts about that person.  See her as someone you admire in every way. Project a sense that no matter what she says or does, she won’t be criticized or attacked in any way.

If you understand that you communicate with people in a lot of subtle ways that are outside of your normal awareness, you’ll be on your way to good report with the person you’re speaking with. If you keep in mind that you can send out the most positive signals by allowing yourself to feel genuinely positive about the other person, the unconscious signals will be positive and most people will respond positively.

Have you noticed this in your daily interactions while studying a foreign language? Leave a comment below.

Your thoughts?

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How to Find the Perfect Language Exchange Partner

by Roger Easlick on May 4, 2010

The perfect language exchange partner is waiting for you online right now. But he may never be your friend and you may never share his interests.

Looking for a friend to help you improve your language skills can be a huge mistake.

Instead, you should look for someone who is more interested in learning and teaching a language. A person who is less interested in learning your deepest secrets will help you focus on improving your conversation skills. Here are a few of the characteristics I look for in a language exchange partner.

You want your language partner to be like a professional. She should be regular, reliable and focused. Limit the length of your sessions. This will create a sense of urgency and expectation.  The sessions will go faster and you’ll both stay focused and attentive.

Few successful movies can keep you on the edge of your seat for much more than two hours. That’s pretty much the same for a language exchange session. Keep your sessions to one hour for each language.

A good language exchange candidate will be able to meet regularly at least once a week. If you can’t get together at least once a week, that person isn’t going to be able to help you with your language abilities. Regularity is everything in getting vocabulary and the structure of a language to stick in your mind.

Make sure your language exchange partner has a genuine interested in learning a language. If she does, you won’t need to worry about finding an “interesting” topic. Almost any topic will give you the opportunity to use new words and to experiment with different ways of saying things.

Patience is more than a virtue when it comes to languages. It’s a necessity. Be patient with your language partner and don’t spend time with someone who isn’t patient back.

Don’t criticize. If your comment about the other person’s language skills doesn’t fit into the format, “I liked…..,” don’t say. If your partner can’t follow this rule, find a different partner.

In summary, look for a partner who wants to learn and is interested in learning a language and in helping you learn.  Don’t try to find a friend for life, or someone who will hang around with you for a whole day. Find a professional language learner and teacher.

Leave me a comment below and tell me what you look for in a language exchange partner.

Now it's your turn. I want to know what you think. Comment below with a quick response...

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Can You Learn a Foreign Language While You Sleep?

by Roger Easlick on October 18, 2009

Imagine goofing off all day long, then lying down with your favorite English bilingual dictionary under your pillow, and when you wake up the next morning – SHAZAAM! — you know most, if not all, of the vocabulary in the entire dictionary.

You have to admit, it’s a fun thought, isn’t it? But does it work?

Well, no, not so much. Some people will try to get sneaky and re-define sleep as a very relaxed state [of consciousness] to sell sleep learning products, but serious researchers agree that learning new stuff while sleeping is still only a dream.

It’s clever, though, because just as most serious studies have discredited the idea of sleep learning, the consensus is that learning English or any other language when you’re relaxed does bring significant benefits.

And studying after you have slept well definitely improves your ability to retain new information.

So let’s talk about the difference between sleep and relaxation and then I’ll give you some techniques to help you stay awake, relax and learn anything from Spanish to Sanskrit faster. (Ok, English, French & German, too.)

What is sleep?

A common definition of sleep is “a natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world is suspended.”

Relaxation, on the other hand, is a state of CONSCIOUSNESS free from stress or anxiety. The important point here is that you are not necessarily cut off from your awareness of the outside world when you’re relaxed. In fact, when you’re relaxed but not asleep, you’re in a heightened state of awareness where communication with the outside world is clearer and more focused. Since the background noise and distraction caused by stress and anxiety aren’t there, your mind is eager for information to process.

This is a good state to be in when you want to learn something new.

Here’s my favorite method to get in that optimum relaxed state. You can use this anywhere, although being in a quiet place will be more effective.

Recall a time in your life, hopefully fairly recent, when you were feeling very calm and at ease. Imagine as vividly as possible the sights, sounds and smells you experienced at that time. How did the air feel against your skin? Was it hot or cold? What were you doing? Who was with you? (If you have medium level language skills, you can try to express these things in your target foreign language.)

If you are just starting your target language, then let the video that you are creating in your mind continue to run in the background while you listen to your language lessons or do your language exercises.

See if you don’t feel much more focused while you learn and find that you remember more than you otherwise would when a dozen worries and uncertainties are floating around in your brain.

Is it working?

If you would like to hear more techniques to improve your language learning speed, leave me a comment below about how this technique worked for you. Also, you can check out my report on learning languages faster called Lightning Languages.

What about you? What do you think?
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How To Learn Vocabulary – The Simple Method

by Roger Easlick on June 13, 2009

Vocabulary can be a blast to learn, and if you do it right, learning a foreign language will seem effortless.

The first rule of learning vocabulary the right way is to use your imagination. Studies show over and over again that interactive learning produces the quickest understanding and the longest retention.

Here is how you should go about learning vocabulary fast and to keep it fresh in your head:

1. Visualize
Select a word that you’ve learned and want to remember. Close your eyes and say the word slowly out loud. Listen for any images that come to mind based on the sound of the word. If it is more than one syllable, pronounce each syllable and note what images come to mind. If no clear images appear right away, repeat the word (by syllables), changing the emphasis until you can get an association with an image.

2. Make it Interactive
Have the image that the sound invokes interact with the object that the foreign word represents. For example, the Spanish word for ice, hielo, sounds like yellow, so you can imagine clearly in your mind, yellow ice. Interaction with another object makes the association stick, so imagine yellow ice falling into a clear glass.

3. Context Matters
If you are learning the words for things in a dining room, sit in a dining room if possible. Wherever you are look around you and try to name everything in the room really fast. Think of things that should be in that place and name them. If you are thinking of food, think about which foods you like the most and what goes well with certain types of food. Think of meat and potatoes or salad and salad dressing.

4. Watch videos
Podcasts that offer texts spoken by native speakers and give you a written transcript of the texts are an excellent way to learn vocabulary since you can pick up the sounds as well as get a feel for the spelling of new words.
Movies give you the context and keep you entertained while you unconsciously learn new words.
5. Listen to Audio books
Audio books are excellent for people on the go. They work well while you are driving, cycling or riding in the plane, train or bus.

The techniques explained above work well for me and keep me eager to pick up new words and phrases. Constantly playing with the images and sounds helps keep the expressions fresh and will motivate you to continually search for new material to learn.

Let me know how this works for you. Leave your comments below.

What are your thoughts on the subject?
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Love Grammar Like Your Grandma

by Roger Easlick on June 6, 2009

Do you love grammar?

“Yes, but then being water boarded is my favorite water sport. Go figure.”

Grammar can be fun. Here are some guidelines to make it that way.

Never start a language by learning the grammar. When you reach a certain level of comfort with the flow of language itself, you can start to learn and organize the patterns of language that you have been noticing. Only then should you get yourself a good grammar book.

When I was little I knew I could count on my grandma to support me in about anything I wanted to do. Often I would have questions about things I didn’t understand, and my grandma would help me fill in the gaps in my experience and understanding. She was never critical and very patient. If I was going to do something that was bad for me, I could count on my grandma to gently talk me out of it.

Grammar is like your grandma. It is only there to guide you through the sentence.

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How will you use this information to the fullest?

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How to Learn Languages Through Movies

by Roger Easlick on May 17, 2009

Watching movies is a great way to learn a foreign language. Movies let you listen to real conversations by native speakers and hear the way they interact in real life situations.

Most people use a kind of shorthand to speak to people they know, especially when they share a knowledge of a particular subject. This shorthand is difficult to reproduce in language manuals since it would take it too much time setting up the story.

Movies have time to set the scene. Since the setup, as well as the dialog itself, is in the foreign language, you get a very rich feel for the language and culture when you watch a movie.

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How about you, what do you think?
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10 Reasons Why You Should Learn A Foreign Language

by Roger Easlick on May 5, 2009

Leaning a foreign language has more benefits than you probably think. Here is a good starter list why you should start to learn a foreign language today.

When you learn a foreign language you will:

1. Have an instant conversation starter – Think of how fascinated you are when you find someone who knows a foreign language. Most people find foreign languages and those who speak them interesting and it sparks instant questions, such as, “Did you actually live there?”

2. Make new friends more easily – There is something mysterious and exotic about talking to someone who knows a foreign language, and people seem to open up and let down their guard much more quickly when they find out that you know a foreign tongue.

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Please share your thoughts by leaving a comment.
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Child’s Play: How to Learn Any Foreign Language

by Roger Easlick on May 1, 2009

Would you like to learn a foreign language but get sweaty palms when you think of grammar and vocabulary?

Baby yourself.

The good news is that if can read this, you can have fun learning a foreign language.

It’s child’s play.

Have you ever heard a kid say, “Geesh, I wish I knew my grammar and vocabulary better, so I could feel confident asking for some candy.”?

Or does the kid just ask for the candy?

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Any other ideas?

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